and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
