shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
