im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
