my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
last night I used snow as a chaser
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
