im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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