this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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