I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
