i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
