Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
