just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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