Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
