I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
