atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
last night I used snow as a chaser
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