I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
