Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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