i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
