I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
