soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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