I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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