Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
