Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
