the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
