Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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