My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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