I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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