you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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