This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
