Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You made out with two different species that night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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