So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
