So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
