she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
