i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
