No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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