For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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