White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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