im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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