I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
