also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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