I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
