she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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