i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
