i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
