tell your sister to shave her snatch
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
