my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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