Plan B is the new Plan A
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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