no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
