I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
