yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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