How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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