sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
