I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
