Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
